Stuck Between 2 Worlds, 2 Societies, 2 Cultures

By: Floresa Jean Barillo

Being born and raised in London is obviously different from those who were born and raised in the Philippines. I have experienced different things from the friends and family who have come from back home. However, are the words "back home" right for me to use??

I am proud to be Filippino, I always have been and always will be. I love going back to the Philippines for a holiday but to live there? It is the root of my culture, my beginnings, my heritage but I was born and raised in London, England, I speak and think in English and I have an English accent. I am constantly torn between where I came from and who I am; very Filippino but with a very British mind. I eat both Filippino food and English food and love it all, however some people feel that us "youngsters" loose our culture amongst a British society.

In some casess it is very true, as I have grown up and still growing as a person, I have lost the ability to speak ilocano fluently. I understand it more than I can speak it and when I try to speak ilocano, it is broken and not spoken in the correct grammar, it is also spoken in an English accent. As for tagalog I never learned it as a child.

When I'm in the Philippines, when I go to Dagupan or Baguio, the first thing I do is shop. So when I get served by an assistant in a shop they speak to me in tagalog. I can sometimes understand a word here and a word there from the sentence then in my head get the main gist of what he/ she is saying to me but for most part I don't understand and sometimes it's frustrating. So, yes I think that our culture is a little lost in a British society especially concerning the younger generation. But at least no one can say that the youngsters are not proud to be Filipinos. For the most part we are all proud of where we came from because we feel lucky to have such a vibrant culture and many traditions to up hold. And although, we sometimes make fun of the accents, the way people speak and how things are said, we do it because we are a part of a culture that no one else understands and others are incapable of having a full Filipino experience because they are not Filipino.

But knowing that, I live and breathe London. Of course I am not fully english, I am not white and I am not a part of the english culture of which I have lived in for so long. I am accepted by all my friends here in England; white, black, chinese etc. people, but I know I will never really be english. Where do I fit in? Where do I place my culture? What society do I feel more comfortable in? In all honesty I don't know... I am not fully British and I am not white so therefore England is not where my roots lie. But in the Philippines.... I am too english to be Filipino, I am not fluent in the national language of tagalog, and I have not been properly schooled in the ways of a true Saguntonian/ Filipino.

So, although I know who I am, a Filipina young lady in and english society, those questions still burn inside my mind. I cannot speak for the other youth but I think similar thoughts may have crossed their mind too??

The majority of my friends in London are white and because they live in a city of diverse cultures and faith they have experienced some of our programmes, food and culture in general when I invite them to Filipino parties etc. The friends that I went to high school with understood a little about my culture because I would talk about it randomly and conversation about Philippines was always casual. But when I moved to Portsmouth some of the people at university never even met a coloured person before me! So when they asked about cultures, traditions and the Phillipines they asked serious, intense questions like whether I think in Filipino or english? (I think in english by the way). What kind of food we eat? What languages we have? Where exactly in the world is the Philippines? Things that I have never really thought about before like, how my parents think in Filipino but I don't, and how our Filipino cows (carabaos) look more like bulls than the fatty black and white cows in England. The more my friends in Portsmouth enquire about me and the Philippines the more and more I feel proud to be Filipino!!!